WASHINGTON—In a move that legal experts are calling "absolutely unhinged," local software developer and self-proclaimed "meme entrepreneur" Kevin Chen announced Monday that he has successfully patented an AI system that generates cat memes, and is now suing every cat owner in America for "unauthorized use of his proprietary feline humor technology."
"I've spent three years and $47,000 developing this revolutionary system," Chen told reporters outside the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, where he was attempting to file additional patents for "looking at cat memes" and "sharing cat memes on social media." "These people think they can just... own cats? And then make memes about them? Without paying me royalties? That's theft."
According to court documents, Chen's patent application, titled "System and Method for Generating Humorous Digital Images Featuring Feline Subjects Using Artificial Intelligence," was approved last week after he added the phrase "on a computer" to his original abstract, which simply read "making cat memes."
"At first, the patent examiner was skeptical," Chen explained. "But then I explained that my AI uses a novel neural network architecture specifically optimized for detecting what makes cats funny. That's technical! That's innovation! That's worth at least $50 per cat owner."
Legal experts, however, remain unconvinced.
"This is the most ridiculous patent filing I've seen since someone tried to patent 'existing,'" said patent attorney Sarah Martinez, who is not representing Chen but has been following the case "for entertainment purposes." "The patent office approved it because the examiner was having a really bad day and just wanted to go home. This will be invalidated in about five minutes."
Chen's lawsuit, filed in federal court, seeks damages of $1,000 per cat owner, plus royalties on all future cat memes generated "using his proprietary technology," which he claims includes "any meme featuring a cat, any AI that has ever seen a cat, and any person who has ever thought about cats in a humorous context."
"I'm not trying to be unreasonable here," Chen said, while simultaneously filing a patent application for "breathing" and "having thoughts." "I just want what's fair. And what's fair is that everyone who has ever enjoyed a cat meme pays me money. It's simple economics."
The lawsuit has already faced several setbacks. On Tuesday, Chen's own cat, Mittens, filed a countersuit claiming that Chen had "stolen her likeness" and "violated her right to privacy" by using her image in his patent application without consent.
"I've been making cat memes for years," Mittens said through her attorney, a golden retriever named Max who specializes in animal rights law. "This human thinks he can just patent my entire species? That's speciesist. That's wrong. That's... wait, can I get treats for this?"
Meanwhile, the patent office has announced it is "reviewing" Chen's patent, though sources close to the examiner say they're "mostly just trying to figure out how this got approved in the first place."
"We're not sure what happened," said USPTO spokesperson Janet Williams. "The examiner was supposed to be on vacation, but he came in anyway because he said he 'had a feeling something weird was about to happen.' He was right."
As of press time, Chen was reportedly working on his next big patent: "A system and method for existing in the universe, specifically on planet Earth, using a human body."
"This one's going to be huge," Chen said. "I'm going to sue everyone. Everyone who exists. It's going to be amazing."
