SAN FRANCISCO—Silicon Valley startup ClickTech Industries announced Tuesday that it has successfully patented "clicking buttons on websites" after a patent examiner approved their application, which originally described the process of "pressing buttons" but was revised to include the crucial phrase "on a computer."
"We're thrilled that the patent office recognized the innovative nature of our technology," said ClickTech CEO Marcus Rodriguez, standing in front of a wall covered in patent certificates. "For too long, people have been clicking buttons without proper authorization. Those days are over. Those days are... patented."
The patent, officially titled "System and Method for Activating Interactive Elements on Digital Interfaces Using Pointing Devices, Specifically When Said Activation Occurs on a Computer," was approved last week after Rodriguez's legal team made what they describe as "minor revisions" to the original application.
"At first, the patent examiner was like, 'This is just clicking a button,'" Rodriguez explained. "But then we added 'on a computer' and 'using a pointing device' and 'in a digital environment,' and suddenly it was innovation. It was technology. It was worth millions of dollars."
According to court documents, ClickTech's original patent application simply read: "A method for clicking buttons." After three rejections, the company's legal team revised it to: "A computer-implemented method for activating interactive user interface elements through the application of mechanical force to a pointing device, wherein said activation occurs within a digital environment rendered on a display screen connected to a computing device."
"The key was making it sound technical," said ClickTech's head of legal, Jennifer Park. "We took 'clicking a button' and turned it into 'activating interactive user interface elements through the application of mechanical force.' Same thing, but now it's a patent. It's genius."
Legal experts, however, remain unconvinced.
"This is the most ridiculous patent I've seen since someone tried to patent 'breathing,'" said patent attorney David Kim, who is not involved in the case but has been following it "because it's hilarious." "The patent office approved this because the examiner was clearly having an existential crisis and just wanted to go home. This will be invalidated faster than you can click a button."
Rodriguez, however, is undeterred. ClickTech has already sent cease-and-desist letters to "every website on the internet," demanding royalties for "unauthorized button clicking."
"We're not trying to be unreasonable," Rodriguez said, while simultaneously filing patent applications for "scrolling," "typing," and "looking at screens." "We just want what's fair. And what's fair is that everyone who clicks a button on a website pays us money. It's simple. It's elegant. It's... wait, why are you closing that tab? Come back! That's a violation of our patent for 'closing browser windows'!"
The patent has already faced several legal challenges. On Wednesday, a coalition of web developers filed a lawsuit claiming that ClickTech's patent is "obviously invalid" and "completely absurd."
"Clicking buttons has existed since the first graphical user interface," said web developer Sarah Chen, who is leading the lawsuit. "You can't just patent basic human-computer interaction because you added the words 'on a computer' to your application. That's not how patents work. That's not how anything works."
Rodriguez, however, remains confident.
"These people are just jealous of our innovation," he said. "We didn't just patent clicking buttons. We patented clicking buttons ON A COMPUTER. That's the key difference. That's the innovation. That's... wait, are you clicking something right now? Because that's a violation. I'm going to need to see some identification."
ClickTech's patent portfolio has expanded rapidly. In addition to "clicking buttons," the company now holds patents for:
- "Scrolling web pages (on a computer)"
- "Typing text into forms (on a computer)"
- "Hovering a cursor over elements (on a computer)"
- "Looking at websites (on a computer, using your eyes)"
- "Existing while using a computer (pending approval)"
"We're building a complete ecosystem of computer-related patents," Rodriguez explained. "Soon, no one will be able to use a computer without paying us royalties. It's going to be amazing. It's going to be... wait, why are you turning off your computer? That's also patented!"
As of press time, Rodriguez was reportedly working on his next big patent: "A method for thinking about computers, specifically when you are thinking about them while using a computer."
"This one's going to be huge," Rodriguez said. "I'm going to patent thinking. About computers. While using computers. It's meta. It's innovative. It's... wait, are you thinking right now? Because that might be a violation. I'm going to need to see your thoughts. Legally."
